Why do nine year olds lie

Because toddlers' language skills are just emerging, they do not have a clear idea yet of where truth begins and ends. At this age, toddlers also have a fairly shaky grasp on the difference between reality, daydream, wishes, fantasies, and fears, says Elizabeth Berger, a Parents advisor, child psychiatrist, and author of Raising Kids with Character.

Remember that toddlers are trying to exhibit their independence and they can make a power struggle out of any disagreement. So try a mild, diplomatic response that interjects doubt, such as, "Really? Then those must not be crumbs I see on your chin.

Toddlers are too young to be punished for lying, but parents can subtly begin to encourage truthfulness. Consider reading a lighthearted book such as Nicola Killen's Not Me to illustrate the issue of truthfulness.

Around age 4, as children become more verbal, they can tell obvious whoppers and respond "No" when you ask simple questions like, "Did you pinch your sister?

Introduce the subject ideally, soon after your child tells the lie so the memory will still be fresh. Start with, "Let's talk about lying and why it's not okay. Talwar says. In response to a lie, be firm and serious, and say, "That sounds like you're not telling the truth" or "Are you absolutely sure that's what happened? Avoid confronting the child further or digging for the truth unless the situation is serious and demands more attention. Between the ages of 5 and 8, children will tell more lies to test what they can get away with, especially lies related to school -- classes, homework , teachers, and friends.

What's the best way to discipline my child? Updated November 5, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Praise, imitation, and description. Revised November 5, Lying and Children. Your Privacy Rights. To change or withdraw your consent choices for VerywellFamily.

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Discuss Results. Reinforce Honesty. Re-Establish Trust. Seek Professional Help. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback!

Sign Up. What are your concerns? Verywell Family uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Your child does know right from wrong, but sometimes he chooses to lie. But just remember, your child is trying to solve a problem ineffectively. Our job is to teach them appropriate and effective ways to solve problems and to coach them through these confusing years.

Over time, they can learn to do that without lying. For more information on the concept of individuation in psychology and behavior, we recommend the following article:. GoodTherapy: Individuation. Janet Lehman, MSW, has worked with troubled children and teens for over 30 years. A veteran social worker, she specializes in child behavior issues — ranging from anger management and oppositional defiance to more serious criminal behavior in teens.

You must log in to leave a comment. Don't have an account? Create one for free! I just found out that my 10 yo girl has been lying to her so called best friend in school about her own background such as;-. I am a homemaker and are always around for my girls and my husband usually returns home early from work. I don't understand why she lied about such things and doing things on the sly when I always encourages her to speak only the truth and also seek my permission before she chats with her friends, which I hv never rejected her request before.

Please could you advise me what to do? Note that she doesn't know that I found out about her lies. I can understand your distress. Lying is a challenging behavior for many parents to address.

We have several articles that offer helpful tips for managing lying in children and teens. We appreciate you reaching out and sharing your story.

Be sure to check back and let us know how things are going, Take care. Hi everyone, searching for some advice. My family is a blended family, and have been together as a family for nearly 4 years. My daughter has recently started, or my partner feels not so recently, telling constant white lies, either to get out of doing homework, or to get another snack, or just generally get her own way in a situation.

Last night, after some decorating had taken place, dust accumulated on the hoover in the hallway. After my daughter had gone to bed, my partner noticed the word idiot wrote in the dust on the hoover.

He was really upset, Although their relationship has been challenging over the years, recently I felt it had improved and they had become closer. Anyway, he took the writing left personally, and thought it was directed at him. When I confronted my daughter about it, she denied writing it, although was the only other person in the house with us that evening. What do I do to prevent the lies continuing? I have two boys ages 9 and 4.

We are having issues with my oldest with lying When I say everything I mean I could catch him in the middle of doing something he's not suppose to be doing and he will fight to the death that he wasn't doing it, knowing full well he was caught and that I saw him. But the very idea of owning up to the truth appears to be a concept that is unknown to him.

He lies when he doesn't even have a reason to lie. This issue has been ongoing for quite sometime now. My husband and I have done everything you could think of to curb this behavior, from losing electronics, chores, groundings,spending more time with him, sitting down and calmly talking to him about the importance of telling the truth, being honest and taking responsibility for his actions and understanding there are consequences for our actions good and bad. I have told him so many times that the truth may get him in a little trouble but not nearly as much as lying will.

I have read countless articles, adjusted my own behavior to try and help, I ask him why he feels the need to lie, he just says he doesn't know. But no matter how calmly I address the problem or how upset we get with him It's like a second nature to him.

Only at home though. I have personally gone and spoke to our family doctor about it and was pretty much shrugged off as it being a phase. It is getting to the point where even his younger brother is beginning to lie all the time as well though its easier to get him to admit when he has fibbed. He lies to the point that it is incredibly difficult to tell when he actually is telling the truth. And find out why some kids struggle with impulsivity.

More on: Signs and symptoms. He picks himself up when he falls, and he tries again. Share Why does my child lie so much? Podcast Wunder community app. Main menu Our work Blog Surveys and research. Join our team Privacy policy Terms of use Fundraising disclosure Sitemap.

Question: My daughter tells lies all the time — big ones and small ones. Related topics Signs and symptoms Signs and symptoms Parenting Parenting.